Saturday, March 28, 2009

Anger

These days, my anger rages and overwhelms my entire being. The moment I step into my school, my anger awakes and the mask comes on. A mask of a normal person trying to get through any old work day. The anger rises when I see my principal, coworkers, and students. It's a damn masquerade everyday, except there are no colors or flashy clothing. Just a deep seething rage that builds and builds, until the clock strikes 3. Then it sort of collapses, and I am able to take a breath. But then anger gives way to sadness. What am I doing wrong? Am I doing something right? Who learned today?

On the weekends, sometimes there are moments when my anger just lends itself to tears that do nothing to change anything. I just say fuck life and fuck everyone. What is the point of anything? What does anything matter? Every drop counts? Well, my drop got lost somewhere in between the sky and the bucket. Then, when I'm done, the anger becomes just a smoldering flame. By Monday, I know it'll be a full-fledged thing of hate again.

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